Recently I highlighted an article by Well + Good that talked about making new friends as we get older and how increasingly over thirty it is harder to stay connected with existing friends and to also bring new friends into a busy life where you could also possibly be juggling family and work obligations. How do you like to stay socially connected? Please share in the comments  -B xx

Having an active social life and staying connected socially is REALLY good for your longevity and well being. So good in fact that a study from the AARP likened loneliness to be at higher risk of early death than even obesity! Holt-Lunstad also found that there was a 50% decreased risk of early death if you keep an active social life as you age. Being socially isolated means that you have few social contacts, and feeling lonely means that you think there is a variation between the social relationships that you actually have and those which you desire. The research shows that it doesn’t matter if you are alone by choice and feel perfectly happy or if you are alone and feel lonely they seem to have the same negative effects on our long term health.

Loneliness still seems to have an effect on people living with others and often sometimes even if you are surrounded by people you can still sometimes feel lonely because it is not a number of our relationships that increase our happiness and well being it is the quality! Having the ability to share innermost thoughts and feelings with another person who understands us helps us make sense of ourselves in an increasingly complex and rapidly changing world. It is important to feel like you are not alone and that there are other people who love and care about your well being. It also appears that the more social you are the better you are able to take care of yourself by exercising, eating well, sleeping well and getting in those health check ups. Strong relationships are also an important buffer for any increase in life stress! With strong social ties shown to positively impact our immune system, heart, and endocrine system.

Why is this such an issue? In the book ‘Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect’ by Matthew Lieberman he discusses how our large brains are distinctly wired for social connection and interaction that enable us to work together for the common good. He found that when the brain is not engaged in a task and is in a non-active state called the ‘default network’ it will often direct us to think about others – their thoughts, feelings, goals and making sense of ourselves in how we relate to others.

There are many trends that are contributing to this new wave of social isolation. Here are a few:

MORE SCREEN TIME:
People spend more time connecting with their friends over the internet and often forge more connections that are Internet-based rather than ‘in real life’. Even keeping up with your family might now involve a Skype call rather than a visit or increasingly people are joining in online games to de-stress and prefer to spend time with other family members that way. Teenagers will often now socialise at home in their bedroom on their phones rather than go out!

REMOTE WORKING:
Many people now work from home or at least do part of their work from home. This means that there is less workplace interaction and also less ‘water cooler banter’ or coffee breaks to socialise. While working remotely, interaction with others is also more phone or internet based which can also increase loneliness or time spent alone.

FEWER CHILDREN:
Many women are juggling work and children which can mean fewer children and also less time to create social relationships with other mothers in a similar life stage or to put time into existing relationships. Having fewer children also has an impact on our social well being as in later life there are fewer people to come and visit and family members are increasingly spread out in different geographic locations.  Having other people to care about and think about is really important for our soul!

DIVERSE LIVING LOCATIONS:
It’s amazing now that we can stay connected with friends all over the world. However, it also means that we have fewer friends living near us that we can regularly see and share the intimate details of our lives. If you live in a big city, friends can also be spread all over which makes it increasingly difficult for those impromptu catch ups! In cities, people are also always busy working to keep up with city living costs so they are less likely to know their neighbours or have much of a connection with them.

WORK-BASED SOCIAL LIFE:
Many people get their social needs met through work but this also has its challenges. If you leave a job and start a new job you no longer have as much in common with your old workmates and it becomes more difficult to keep up with them. It can also be hard to forge relationships outside of work as often your work is the main thing that you talk about and have in common.

CONSUMER CULTURE:
Our individualistic, consumer driven cultures mean that work and earning money is often seen as the most important value to be obtained from life. More money does not always equal more happiness! Taking care of our health and well being over work can also add years to our life.

“Social connections are as important to our survival and our flourishing as the need for food, safety and shelter. But over the last fifty years, while society has been growing more and more prosperous and individualistic, our social connections have been dissolving. We volunteer less. We entertain guests at our homes less. We are getting married less. We are having fewer children. And we have fewer and fewer close friends with whom we would share the intimate details of our lives. We are increasingly denying our social nature and paying a price for it. Over the same period of time that social isolation has increased, our levels of happiness have gone down, while rates of suicide and depression have multiplied” – Emily Esfahani Smith

Six Easy Ways To Take Care of Your Social Well-being:

1. CREATE SHARED INTERESTS:
When we are teenagers or in our twenties, we are more likely to be in similar life stages and have friends that have similar interests to us. When we reach our thirties all of this can change. Try and look for commonality and shared interests within current relationships. Plus try scheduling in regular times to catch up.

“After 30, people often experience internal shifts in how they approach friendship. Self-discovery gives way to self-knowledge, so you become pickier about whom you surround yourself with” – Marla Paul

2. JOIN A MEET-UP GROUP:
There are so many meet-up groups online that cater to a variety of different interests. They are also a great way to meet new people or try something new that you usually would not do! As the site says ‘join a movement’, ‘learn to cook’, or ‘train for a marathon’ – the opportunities really are endless.

3. VOLUNTEER:
As I mentioned above caring about others and helping others gives us a purpose and helps us to feel fulfilled. Look for volunteer opportunities in areas that you are interested in. Volunteering is also a great way to meet like minded people and forge new friendships! Plant trees, do a beach clean up, collect donations, help with children, etc. Whatever unique skills you have or want to learn there will be a volunteer job out there for you!

4. JOIN A NEW CLASS:
At any given time there is a multitude of different classes and events running in your area where you can come together with others and hopefully meet some new friends! Try yoga, meditation, a single parents group, art classes, walking groups, or even try out a hip hop or pole dance class if you dare!

5. ENTERTAIN AT HOME:
Close friendships often happen in settings that allow for others to let their guard down and confide in you beyond the surface level. Entertaining at home can be a great way to create a comfortable, safe environment in which to entertain and share your life with others. Try to create a regular routine where you invite others over and entertain in your own space (plus it is a lot cheaper!). Light candles, play relaxing music, cook some hearty food (make it vegan) and open a bottle of red! (we have an upcoming post on the new Danish hygge craze which is all about creating comfort in the everyday so watch out for it!).

6. GET A DOG:
If you live alone or spend a large amount of time at home alone owning a pet is highly correlated with positive mental health. Again it is going back to having something to love and care for outside of yourself. Owning a dog also encourages you to regularly get out of the house, exercise and meet and chat with other dog owners! (dog owners are such a friendly bunch always up for a chat – probably it is all the happy endorphins that they get being outside and exercising regularly!)

Connecting via. screens will never ever have the same effect that connecting in person does. Things, like making eye contact, touching, reading body language, laughing and hugging in person, have REALLY important effects on our brain and our social well-being. Ensure your longevity and increase your social well-being by scheduling some in-person dates on your calendar today ♥

Links:

Alone but not by choice? Check out our Five Self Loving Things To Do When Alone.

Check out this super cute video!

(Photo: Jens Johnsson)